1. Cleveland Cavaliers
2. Chicago Bulls
3. Toronto Raptors
4. Washington Wizards
5. Miami Heat
6. Charlotte Hornets
7. Atlanta Hawks
8. New York Knicks
9. Brooklyn Nets
10. Detroit Pistons
11. Indiana Pacers
12. Milwaukee Bucks
13. Boston Celtics
14. Orlando Magic
15. Philadelphia 76ers
With the Knicks first pre-season game tonight and in honor of our former coach, the great Mike Woodson, our investigative team here at New York Knicks Podcast has uncovered the actual notes Mike Woodson provided his players prior to their first preseason game last season. We are exposing ourselves to a great deal of liability by providing this information to you but we care about you the reader. We cannot explain to you exactly how this information was obtained but needless to say it involved a great deal of strap-ons.
- If you are wide open with the basketball in your hand, before shooting, ask yourself is your name Carmelo or JR.
- The first 20 seconds on the shot clock are all about setting up your shot.
- On the fast break be the turtle, not the hare. If you don’t follow that than maybe we should be trading you and by you everyone knows I am talking to Shump.
- If you are on defense and covering the same guy for more than 5 seconds than you are doing something wrong.
- If you are on defense and you see the guy with the ball is double covered, get your ass over there because there is no reason that guy shouldn’t be triple covered.
- Time on the bench is not for resting or chit-chat, when you are on the bench you should be paying very close attention to my goatee.
- All personal listening devices by team rule can play any number of great songs to get you pumped for tonight’s game as long as that song was written and performed by JD & the Straight Shots.
- Above all else remember our mantra on offense, “passing is just admitting that you can’t score”.
ESPN already beat us to the punch with their power rankings through 2017 so we decided to go ahead and release our 2048-49 NBA Power Rankings.
#30 – Sacramento Kings – The Kings are convinced this is the year that their team of shoot first players with no real position end their 55 year no playoff drought. They are so committed to this style of play that they have eliminated the PG position and threw out their playbook as they’ll only be running iso plays anyway.
#29 – Minnesota Timberwolves – We all know their fate after they recently dropped the Timberwolves nickname and renamed the team the Minnesota Groomers after losing the 7th superstar in row that they groomed before the player went on to win a title elsewhere. It seems like no one since Garnett has been willing to spend more than 4 years in this cold dark hell hole.
#28 – Portland Trailblazers – I mean why in gods name would you spend your number one pick on Greg Oden’s son???
#27 – Houston Rockets – Looks like Houston is sticking to the plan of assembling a team that excels in all 47 advanced stat categories but aren’t actually very good on the court.
#26 – Utah No Jazz – After Utah broke off from the United States in 2030 to form their own Mormon nation things got a little tough for this franchise as the new Mormon nation has banned music, drinking, cheering, and passing. I do like their choice for coach though as there is no coach better prepared for a team that is not allowed to pass than 105 year old Mike Woodson.
#25 – Kansas City Pistons – The players are finally getting used to playing in Kansas City after Detroit was destroyed in the Great Robot Wars of 2042.
#24 – Los Angeles Lakers – Why are the Lakers still paying $45M/year for Kobe just to show up at games? Continue reading